


Leaving Darkness Behind

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Don’t Like Don’t Read, F/M, Genderswap, Good Mom! Winona, Into darkness AU, Pike Lives!, Pirk, supportive best friends Phil and Bones, these sweeties have issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 13:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12936414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: In which Christopher Pike does NOT die and Jenna Kirk weakens his carefully held resistance toward accepting love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t get enough of the Pike lives! trope!! Or of Pirk. Or Fem! Kirk. Thank you to the lovely MrsEclipse9865 for inspiring me to write this pair and encouraging me to keep writing what I like, regardless of fandom pressure.

Chapter 1

Being stuck in a hospital bed during a federation crisis was not Chris Pike's cup of tea. He much preferred being up and doing things, or at least being able to keep an eye on the Enterprise's doings. He would have been up there with her if John Harrison hadn't shot up the Daystrom building, rendering him bedridden again. He tried to be a good patient for Phil, but when the sketchy reports on the Enterprise's status started getting briefer and briefer, he started getting more agitated. Things just didn't add up. He'd had to fight Marcus tooth and nail to keep Jenna from getting sent back to the academy and now suddenly, she'd been given the ship back at the first opportunity? What was really going on?

Phil evaded his questions for some time, but finally Chris couldn't take it any more.

"Tell me something, RIGHT NOW, Phil, or so help me, I'll find someone who will!" He snapped, noting how somber his friend was. Chris wasn't beyond intimidating the other staff to get info. Kirk and the Enterprise were in trouble or they wouldn't look so disturbed. 

Phil sighed heavily and actually sat down. "Alright, alright. Just calm down, Chris. It appears Admiral Marcus has gone rogue and is threatening to blow the Enterprise to smithereens with his massive new warship he's been developing in secret. It had something to do with that fugitive he sent The Enterprise after. Anyway, he's unresponsive to orders to stand down and The Enterprise's comms are down, so we have no idea what's going to happen."

"Warship?" croaked Chris, stunned by what he'd just heard. 

"Yeah. Super secret advanced tech. Dreadnought class. Makes the Constitution class look puny. It's not looking good, Chris." 

"Give me my PADD." 

"What? I told you could only have it an hour...."

"I said," Chris interrupted through gritted teeth, "Give. Me. My. PADD." 

With a long look and resigned sigh of one who was used to humoring irritable commanding officers, Phil gave in and handed him the device.

"It's against my better judgment, but you stewing in uncertainty is even worse. Maybe this will at least keep you from shouting at my nurses." 

Chris ignored him as he typed an urgent message to Richard. 

Within a few minutes, he received a heavily encrypted document in return that told him everything he needed to know regarding his mentor's nefarious deeds and Section 31 as well as sickening knowledge of who John Harrison really was.

As he grappled with the anger, worry and gut-wrenching betrayal this information elicited, up on the newly stabilized Enterprise his worst, nameless fear was becoming a reality as Jen Kirk gasped out her painful last breaths in the radiation chamber, clutching desperately to the memory of piercing gray-blue eyes and the hope she'd lived up to Chris's faith in her. 

“You dared me to do better,” she thought weakly. “I took it literally. Sorry, Chris. Maybe I’ll be seeing you soon.” 

Thoughts of an afterlife reunion with the man she’d been told was dead comforted her as she matched Spock’s salute on the other side of the glass and managed one last little smile. 

She stopped breathing minutes before the Vengeance plummeted to its final resting place in the middle of the city.

Chris heard a deafening roar and crash and felt the building shake from some kind of impact. Was that the Enterprise, shot down by Marcus? 

Phil shot out the door, shouting orders, as sirens and alarms went off over the suddenly darkened hospital. Chris swore at his bad back and the hole in his side not allowing him to see what had happened, never had he felt so frustratingly helpless since Nero had stuck that slug in him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Smoke rose over San Francisco as the chaos of rubble and destruction spread in the aftermath of the mysterious starship, now known to be the USS Vengeance, crashing in such a busy area. Chris was sick at heart at the scope of the tragedy as he watched the breaking news coverage and the death toll rose every hour. The Enterprise was safe and now in space dock and he expected Jen to come by and brief him as soon as she could. He couldn't wait to find out how she'd managed to get out of that free fall and find out just what went wrong in the hunt for Harrison, or Khan. 

"You don't respect the chair!" He'd told her just a couple days ago after the Nibiru incident. "Sooner or later, you're going to get yourself and everyone under your command killed." 

It hadn't seemed to register with her, as she'd immediately tried to argue, so he'd gone straight to the point and told her he was taking it from her. The defiance had quickly turned to shock and hurt, but he'd steeled himself and explained why they'd made the decision. 

Jen had left his office looking like a kicked puppy, despite her rigidly straight shoulders and blank face and he'd hated himself for causing that, much as she'd needed the reality check. 

He hadn't met anyone quite as brilliant-or maddening--as Jenna T. Kirk. There were times in her academy years when he wondered just why he'd gone on that Midwest recruiting trip. Then she'd turn around and proceed to completely baffle and amaze her instructors with her out-of-the-box thinking and revolutionary approaches and he'd sit back and watch with a smug grin on his face as she explained the reasoning behind her unorthodox tactics. 

"Acting Captain Spock to see you, Admiral," an aide informed him, interrupting his thoughts.

"Acting Captain Spock?" He thought, worry for Jen returning in full force. 

"Let him in," he said shortly.

The Vulcan entered, looking as impeccable as usual, other than some green bruises on his face. 

"Good to see you alive, Spock," Chris greeted him. "What in the heck happened up there and where is Kirk?" 

His blunt question caused the Commander to visibly wince. Spock schooled his features and quickly answered.

"The Captain is currently in a coma after sustaining severe radiation poisoning while realigning the warp core." 

Oh. So that was how she'd saved the ship. His mind began to whir crazily imaging the scenario. Going into the warp core...  
Radiation poisoning......  
Probably lethal.

"Is she.....going to live?" He asked slowly, trying not to imagine what that would have done to her.

"It is unknown at this point. I confess I find it difficult to find reason for optimism, but Dr. McCoy is doggedly determined to not give up."

Spock looked away from him and Chris could tell he was leaving out some important information. 

"Spock, I know Vulcans don't lie, but they do tell half truths. There's something you're not saying. Spill it."

Spock looked even more pained, but finally spoke. 

"The Captain's exposure was fatal. It was only due to a discovery by the doctor that Khan's blood has powerful regenerative properties that she is not still deceased."

"What?" Chris was really confused now as this new news hit home. "You're telling me he brought her back from the dead--with a blood transfusion?" 

"Yes."

Chris laid back against the biobed, thoughts whirling even more. He'd heard some crazy stuff in his time, but this sounded outright absurd. Injecting a dead body with augment blood that brought it back to life was shady at best, borderline unethical, and could possibly end McCoy’s career. Given how loyal he was to his friend and captain, it didn’t surprise Chris much that he’d go to such lengths for her.

"You're sure she was dead?"

"I witnessed the life leave her, Admiral. Her vital signs were gone." 

Spock's statement finally sunk in and Chris swallowed hard thinking of the resilient, brilliant bundle of energy that was Jenna Kirk being cold and lifeless. No, he couldn't face that thought yet. 

"I need to know what led up to that," he said grimly. "Tell me what led Marcus to threaten his own people." 

"Very well, Admiral." 

By the time he'd finished, Chris was angrier than he'd been in years. Furious with Marcus for his betrayal, furious with himself for not having seen the signs, and furious with Section 31 for trying to manipulate and exploit genetically advanced people.

As the monitors grew more and more urgent with his increasing wrath, Phil came in and told him sternly no more visitors for the day since his current agitation was not good for his health. 

"If this happens again, I'm banning all visitors and taking your PADD away for a week," he told Chris sternly.

"You wouldn't dare!" He replied somewhat petulantly, to which Admiral Surgeon General Phillip Boyce leveled him a Look on par with any death glare he'd given out himself. With the intense blue stare and imposing eyebrows*, it had an astounding effect. 

"Watch Me," Phil said coolly and Chris conceded defeat. Never mess with your CMO in his domain was a rule he'd learned to abide by, from many years of serving together. But oh, Jenna.... She’d been up there facing off against both Khan and Marcus, saving her ship, and dying a horribly painful death while he’d been grousing about being in the hospital. He slumped back in his bed and covered his face with his hands. 

 

 

* Picture Angry Gibbs. Mark Harmon really has great bushy eyebrows.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Four days after Chris got word about Jenna, word came that she seemed to be stabilizing at last. He made sure he was on his best behavior so Phil wouldn't bar Spock from coming again, but to his surprise it was Leonard McCoy who showed up in person. 

"To what do I owe this honor, doctor?" He asked, noting the bags under McCoy's eyes and the general exhaustion he carried.

"To being her closet available next of kin," McCoy replied abruptly. 

"What?" Chris said in disbelief. "I was fifth on the list, last I checked."

"Well, she'd moved you to the second to the top, which means she has high regard for ya, Admiral. Commander Kirk will be here as soon as she can, but in the meantime, you’ll get the updates.”

He snorted. "Didn't think it went that high. It's like she lived to get a rise out of me and add more grey hairs to my extensive collection."

McCoy just gave him a look almost of pity for his cluelessness. "S'more than that, Chris. Maybe you'll find out one day." 

Chris frowned at this cryptic comment, but got down to business. 

"So, how's she doing?"

"As well as can be expected," the doctor informed him. "I'm pretty confident she's past the rocky stage. Now it's just a waiting game and hoping her brain function keeps increasing." 

"Were you there when she......." he couldn't bring himself to say the word "died". 

"No. There wasn't time. You can bet I'm not happy I wasn't, though." McCoy's face showed the strain and pain of the ordeal very clearly and Chris felt for the man. 

"What would that level of radiation have done to her?" He wondered out loud.

"I don't think you really want to know," McCoy gritted out. "But it would have been hell for her the last few minutes. Absolute hell. Spock was so messed up by it, he went and kicked the stuffing out of Khan." He shook his head grimly. "If Marcus wasn't already dead, I'd love to take him to task for all this. All this pain and suffering, caused by him and his paranoia. Good to see you're doing alright, at least.” 

Chris shrugged. "Alright" was relative. He was recovering physically, but Jenna's condition had messed him up in more ways than he cared to think about. 

"When can I see her?" He asked. 

"Soon as Boyce says so," McCoy replied. “He’s her attending now.” 

 

When McCoy left, he reached for his PADD and opened up the file of private photos he kept under secure password. Many of them were from the Yorktown days, but there were not a few from escapades involving Jenna. 

He pulled up the first picture and thought back on the day they'd taken it. 

It was Jenna's twenty-third birthday and he knew it was the worst day of the year for her, but with the recent scrapes she'd been involved in, the last thing she needed was to go on a drunken bender. 

He'd showed up at her dorm and was met with a hostile reception.

"No offense, sir, but didn't you get the memo I don't like company on my birthday?" Jen stared resentfully at him from the doorway, empty wine glass in hand. 

"Yes, but given the results of your last two birthday benders, you're going to have company whether you like it or not. You can ignore my presence, that's fine, but I won't let you die of alcohol poisoning." 

"How noble of you," she said sarcastically. "Fine. Come in, but don't expect me to be social. It's Dad's death day, after all." 

He winced at her words, but walked in anyway. The room was a bit of a disaster, but Jen managed to clear a path to the couch. She settled in with a sigh and hit play on her holovid, an old crime show from before Starfleet's era. 

For a while they watched in silence, Jen's face a blank slate as she tried to ignore him. 

On the third episode, though, she suddenly spoke.

"You know, I firmly believe if Mom hadn't been pregnant with me, she'd never have got on that shuttle. I think she would have preferred dying with him, than living without him. I ruined that, of course."

He didn't know what to say. How did one respond to something like that? 

When she looked at him expectantly, he tried to put something into words.

"Jen, I know your mom. Much as she misses George, even if Sam wasn’t in the picture, there is no way she would have left you an orphan. I've never heard her talk about you with anything that suggested she resented your existence. Exasperation, maybe; never regret."

Jen sighed and shrugged. 

"That's not what Sam thinks. He's made no secret he loathes my very existence."

There was that bitter tone again. George Samuel Kirk, Jr. had his own multitude of issues and unfortunately had taken them out on his sister before she'd cut ties with him. That was a mess he wouldn't go near unless she asked him to intervene. 

Jen poured herself another drink and took a big gulp. 

"You know what? When I'm Captain of my own ship, I'm never going to bother with a relationship. If I get put in that position, I refuse to leave someone with a broken heart. Who has time for that crap, anyway? Worked for you, didn't it?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Chris answered vaguely. He was the poster boy for not having time for love. Didn't mean he didn't have quite a few regrets, though. 

Jen's PADD suddenly dinged and she glanced over at it.

"Its mom," she sighed. "Wants to know if I'm safe. She knows me too well. I'd better send some proof." She suddenly scooted over close to him, tilted her head in and held up the PADD in its camera feature. 

Before he could react, a little blip sounded and the deed was done.

"There," Jen said, grinning wickedly, "now she knows I'm in no danger, with you here."

Looking back, Chris felt a pang of longing to see those bright blue eyes lively again. He shouldn't have let himself get so attached, but somehow, she'd wormed her way through the protective barrier he kept around his heart. Jenna didn't know it, but that was the heart that had cracked at the news of her temporary death. He might not show it in rage, like Spock, or breaking the laws of nature, like McCoy, but it hurt nonetheless.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The days dragged by for Chris as he waited for a good word on Jen and tried to keep from going stir crazy. Phil wouldn't let him do much involving Starfleet, other than answer questions from the investigators who were trying to get to the bottom of Marcus's involvement, but finally he relented and gave the okay for a visit to Jenna. It was day ten of her coma and she didn't show signs of waking, but Bones said her brain function was looking much better and he was confident she WOULD wake up eventually. Chris wished he felt that confident as he was wheeled into her room. 

Thinking he knew what to expect, it was still extremely unsettling seeing her so still and pale. It was just wrong, especially for someone who was so full of life and energy. He swallowed and gazed at her face. The last words he'd said to her had been "Not Now, Kirk," and it turned out she'd been trying to warn him. He'd recognized that intense look in her eyes that showed her instincts were screaming something was wrong, but he'd silenced her due to the fact he didn't want her to draw any more scrutiny from Marcus, who had proceeded to lie and manipulate her into being his pawn while Chris was incapacitated. Fists clenching, he tried to choke down another surge of rage at the late head of Starfleet and himself.

"Hey, Jen," he whispered, unable to handle the silence around her. "You're missed around here. Please wake up before McCoy works himself into an early grave. Phil is technically your attending right now, but Len still haunts the place. By the way, we have a lot more to discuss. I don't like the way we left things at Daystrom." He swallowed, and whispered the words he knew he'd have to say again: "I should have listened more. I meant it when I said I was proud of you, though." 

As if to make sure she really was alive, he tentatively rested a hand on her limp one. Feeling that it was, indeed, warm, he looked to see if she had other injuries. Her face had light bruising and a healed cut on her cheek, but otherwise she looked unscathed.

How the situations had reversed from a year ago, when he'd been in an induced coma after the operation to remove the slug. Jen had been there when he'd woken up, and had seen him at his lowest point, physically and mentally. All his griping and sulking hadn't driven her away. 

_"Why are you here, Jen?" He'd mumbled tiredly, exhausted from the physical therapy. "I thought you had a date you were looking forward to?"_

_Jen shrugged, blonde hair spilling over her shoulders instead of its usual neat knot. "He was a prick and insufferable bore, so I left early. Totally different guy than what he seemed to be when he was flirting."_

_"And I'm in no condition to read him the riot act," Chris had responded, with a ferocious glare at the thought of a man mistreating Jen. Sure, she could handle them just fine, but that wasn't going to stop him from a little concerned outrage. Jen deserved the best, in his opinion._

_Smiling, Jen leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek._

_"Don't fret, Admiral," she said in silky smooth tone, slightly emphasizing his new rank. "Bones and I already did that. I won't waste my time with him again. Now, tell me how's the progress towards walking going? Dr. Boyce looked less intimidating today."_

_Barking out a laugh, he wondered at himself for how much he depended on her visits._

_"Decent, but they're now working me twice as hard," he admitted. "I think Phil enjoys my misery a little TOO much at times."_

_Jenna nodded knowingly. "Bones learned from the master," she said, blue eyes twinkling at him._

He tried to pause that memory and focus on those eyes again, those glorious, perceptive, stunning blue--Wait. What was he doing, thinking about her like that? That was just wrong. She was his protege, his former student, for Pete's sake! 

"Don't be a pervert, idiot," he thought to himself. "You're the last thing that woman needs--a crippled, washed up, paper pusher old enough to be her father!" 

He didn't know where THOSE thoughts had come from, but they needed to be suppressed immediately. 

Switching the direction of his musings, he pondered the good conversations they'd had while Jen had been first learning the ropes of Captainhood, after the stunning decision to give her the ship. 

Jen had been alternating back and forth between excitement, fear, and guilt. 

"She should be your ship, Chris," she muttered after a particularly trying day. "I didn't want it to happen this way. I was really looking forward to learning the ropes serving under you. Eff Nero."

He couldn't disagree with that sentiment, much as it hurt to be reminded of the sad fact his long anticipated dream had slipped through his fingers just like that. 

"If there's anyone whose got the brains and the drive to prove all those doubters--including that annoying inner voice that I've have also had to do battle with--wrong, it's you, Jenna Kirk," he declared, looking her square in the eye. "I know I can trust you with her."

"Thanks, Chris," she sighed. "Today it felt like every single person I met was questioning every thing about me. I know they're wrong, but it helps to have you backing me up. I'm just---tired, I guess." 

"I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but that would be a lie, Jen. You learn by trial and error, experience, and wise council," he'd told her honestly.

Jen nodded thoughtfully. 

"I've got the best wise council I could hope for in you," she told him, Eyes moist even as she smiled affectionately. 

Chris's heart was heavy as he wondered if he'd ever get to have another such interaction with the whirlwind that was Jenna Kirk.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jenna woke up on day fourteen with fuzziness in her mouth and Chris's words "I dare you to do better" in her head. Confused, she blinked up at Bones in bewilderment. Wasn't she supposed to be dead? She remembered being told Pike was dead, rage taking over her and chasing Khan, Marcus threatening them, Carol screaming, and running into the warp core. 

"Don't be so melodramatic, you were barely dead," Bones rumbled beside her. He was all in white and looked very sharp, if very tired. 

She was confused and it plainly showed on her face, because Bones went on to explain he'd made a serum from Khan's blood that had revived her, though she'd been in a coma for two weeks. 

"They caught Khan?" She croaked hopefully. 

"Sure did," Bones nodded toward the doorway where Spock was standing. Her face lit up at the sight of her first officer and a long discussion ensued, during which Jenna peppered him with questions about Khan's capture and Starfleet's current chaos. 

"Did I miss all the.......funerals?" She asked Spock at last, vaguely bringing up the aching reminder of Pike without actually mentioning his name. 

Spock looked at Bones questioningly and Bones shook his head.

"Haven't told her yet. Go ahead." 

"Told me what?" She frowned at her friends, wondering what the heck was going on. 

"Jenna," Spock began evenly, (how nice that he was using her first name finally!), "Admiral Marcus deliberately gave us false information about Admiral Pike's condition. He was wounded, but not fatally." 

If Jenna could have looked paler than she already was, she would have. 

"You're kidding," she breathed, looking to Bones for confirmation. 

"Vulcans do not kid," Spock said.

"He's right, Jen," Bones said with a smile. "Chris is alive and as ornery as ever. He came by to see you a lot when you were still out. We figure Marcus lied to make you easy to manipulate, the bastard. You okay?"

Jamie had closed her eyes and let tears leak out onto her cheeks as she processed the news that HE was still here. Marcus lying about it didn't surprise her one bit, but she didn't have the energy to get truly angry again. 

"Yeah. Just......really happy. Thank you for telling me." She couldn't fully explain the depth of her feelings about Chris, and didn't know if she ever could, but the overwhelming relief began to mend the jagged wound in her soul. 

Her eyes popped back open. 

"He's still here, then?" She queried. 

"Yes, and constantly pestering me and Phil about you. If you behave and get some rest, I'll let him in to see you in a few hours. Sound good?" 

"Sounds great, Bones," she sighed. "You're the best."

"Bout time I got a little appreciation," he grumbled under his breath. It wasn't long before Jen was out again--this time in a peaceful, natural sleep. 

Chris was deeply engrossed in the first reports from Headquarters detailing the section 31 investigation when Phil came sauntering into his room, looking decidedly pleased. 

"Good news, Chris! Your favorite captain is awake! Well, she's technically sleeping now, but she was alert and talking for a solid hour."

He dropped his PADD and stared at Phil.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"She thought you were dead, Chris. Spock and McCoy wanted to break it to her carefully. She's really weak and tires pretty quickly." 

Chris nodded, then frowned as he realized what Phil had said. 

"Why did she think I was dead? Spock dragged me out of that firefight. He would have told her I had a pulse." 

"He didn't know if you would stay that way. Marcus took that uncertainty and used it to his own advantage, telling them both you succumbed." 

Chris cursed Alex's name again. He'd hurt Jenna in so many ways, it was unthinkable. Chris was almost angrier about that than the personal betrayal. His relationship with Marcus had grown decidedly cooler over the years as they'd found themselves in disagreement more and more on Starfleet's policies and goals, but he'd tried to respect the guy and hadn't yet seriously followed through on his hunch there was something off with the Head of Starfleet. He'd be regretting that for a very long time. 

"I know what you're thinking and don't go there," Phil reprimanded him. "If you'd showed your hand early, he would have silenced you one way or the other."

"And all this rubble and loss of life is somehow preferable?" He snapped back. 

"And just how could you have stopped Khan from doing what he did when no one had any clue that Marcus was blackmailing genetically enhanced humans with bad tempers?" 

Phil's logic was sound as possible, but Chris was not very consoled. Before he could continue his arguments of self-blame, a woman's voice interrupted. 

"So, the rumors of your demise were greatly exaggerated?" 

"Commander Kirk!" He exclaimed. "Long time no see!" 

"Likewise, Admiral." Winona Kirk strode into the room, looking calm and composed as ever, but he could see she was exhausted. "I'm pleased to hear the reports were untrue, Chris." She shook his hand in greeting and he returned it warmly. 

"Thank you. I am, too, to be perfectly honest. Here to see Jenna?" 

"Tried, but she's asleep. I decided to come bother you in the meantime. How goes it, Surgeon General? You look like you've been through the wars." 

"It's been stressful," Phil admitted. "Starting to calm down somewhat, now that it's been two weeks. Glad you could make it. Number One pulled out all the stops, so to speak?"

"Oh, you bet she did," Winona confirmed. "She sends her regards, and so does Caitlin," she winked at Phil, and Chris grinned, knowing the interesting history between his former Engineer and CMO. How are you getting along, Chris?"

"Oh, not too bad. Jarred my back when I went down, and that's been more trouble than the actual phaser wound. Should be getting out of here soon." 

"Good. Sounds like they really need you back at HQ with all the mess Marcus left," Winona sighed and her face showed the strain of the last few weeks. "We've already lost too many good officers to this." 

"Sadly, yes," Chris agreed. "It's going to take years to recover. I can fill you in on some of the missing pieces while you're waiting, if you'd like."

"That would be great, Chris," She replied. "I'm trying to avoid thinking about the fact my daughter was dead. Please distract me. Last I heard, she broke the Prime Directive and got demoted."

That incident seemed like a whole other lifetime ago to Chris, but he started in on the tale willingly, not mincing words. When he finished, Winona was quiet for a minute then nodded to herself, a wry smile appearing. 

“She counted the cost and decided saving a planet and Spock was worth breaking the Prime Directive,” She said softly. “The lying on the report, though, didn’t help her case.” 

“Yeah. That was what upset me,” Chris admitted. “From What Spock reported, she had good reasons for breaking the no contact rule, but claiming the mission was uneventful just compounded the problem. It’s such a huge position to be in that young and they were just waiting for her to screw up. I was probably too harsh with her.” 

“Chris, Jen’s a genius, but still new at command. Don’t overthink it.” 

“But I told her she was going to get herself and everyone under her killed,” he reminded her, cringing at how the words sounded now. 

“Hindsight’s twenty-twenty,” Winona replied, “we all say things we regret, or wish we’d worded differently. Your point was valid: Actions have consequences, sometimes even good actions. Jenna’s going to live to Captain another day, and I’m very thankful for that.”

“So am I,” Chris agreed fervently. He let the conversation turn to his old friends on the Yorktown and soon they were swapping stories back and forth, stress easing with the memories of the good times and the utter ridiculousness of the Engineering crew’s attempts to brew the perfect liquor in their not so secret still.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When Jenna came to again, her mother was there, looking down at her tearfully. 

"Hi, honey," Winona whispered softly. "Good to see you awake." 

"Mom," Jenna sighed. "You came." She scooted closer to her and smiled sleepily, glad of the company. 

"I sure did, and I'm staying for awhile. Most of the Fleet has been called back for now, while they deal with Marcus's terrible legacy. So I get to spend lots of time with my baby." 

"Yay," Jenna enthused. "It's been a while. I take it You've been filled in on what.....happened?" 

"Yes, dear. I don't know whether to say how proud I am of you, or scold you for getting yourself killed."

Jenna shrugged. "You can do both," she suggested. "I'm not going anywhere, trust me."

Winona made a choked noise and leaned over to kiss her daughter's cheek, caressing her hair and soaking up the sight of her very much alive form. 

"I've told them for years, they need better safety protocols in place in case something like this happened,"she exclaimed. "One should have a way to realign a core without getting exposed.  
I can't even imagine what it must have been like." 

"Honestly, I don't remember much," Jenna admitted. "Spock said It only took about ten minutes before I died. Poor guy. I think I messed his Vulcan control up pretty badly from what I hear." 

"Not just his, baby," Winona said. "But you did the right thing and I AM very proud of you. So is a certain Admiral who's waiting his turn to see you." 

Jenna didn't know whether to be overjoyed or terrified. Would Pike still be angry? Could she stand being near him without being on edge the whole time? Stifling her nerves, she tried to look as calm as she could. 

"I don't know about that, mom. I've been a pretty big disappointment to him lately." 

"That's not what he told me, Is it, Chris?" Winona asked, beckoning a figure into the room. Chris Pike shuffled in with the aide of a cane, very clearly alive. 

"No, it certainly is not. Good to see you, Captain Kirk."

Against her will, Jenna's eyes welled up at the sight of him and the fact he'd called her Captain again. 

"Admiral," she said weakly, blinking back the tears. "You’re really here.” 

“In the flesh,” he nodded, eyes gentle. “I’m sorry to hear you were misled about my status. Alex turned out to be one twisted SOB.” 

“Sure did,” she agreed. “But I think I finally understood what you meant by respecting the chair. Some of us have to learn lessons the hard way, I guess.” 

He looked down at her with that same expression she remembered from the trashy bar in Riverside, only this time there was more emotion in it. 

"Kirk, none of this was how I wanted you to learn that lesson, but I'm glad you understand what I was getting at. You did what a good Captain does: put the needs of the crew above your own. I told you I believed in you and I still do." 

"Thanks, Chris," she whispered, then turned the subject before she broke down and cried like a baby. "You're looking pretty good for a dead man, by the way."

Both Winona and Chris chuckled at this. 

"So are you,” he retorted, causing her to grin. 

“You got me there,” she admitted. “I can’t believe Bones pulled that off. I know he’s insanely gifted, but bringing back the dead? Whole new level. I hope they don’t yank his license.” 

“Me too,” He agreed. 

“Worth it!” Came a gruff snort from the doorway. “They can throw me in the brig for the rest of my life for all I care. You’re alive. That’s what matters.” 

“Aww, Bones,” Jenna said fondly to her favorite CMO. “What did I do to get such loyal friends?” 

“By being the type of person and Captain that no one wants to live without,” Chris told her. 

He knew he certainly couldn’t endure the thought of a world sans Jenna Kirk. 

She flushed. “That’s......Wow.....they really feel that way about me? I thought I just annoyed everybody.” 

“Look deeper, sweetheart,” Winona told her. “They Love you.”

Jenna was quiet for a moment, then turned back to Chris. 

“So, how are you doing, Admiral? They patch the phaser hole up?”

"Yeah,” he informed her. “Phil's going to let me out of here in a couple days and I'll be back to annoying the admiralty again." 

"They need all the annoying they can get right now," Jenna agreed. "We went from being a peacekeeping armada to aspiring war machine in the space of a couple years. What flipped the switch in Marcus to send him over the edge like this?" 

"I think it was a gradual tendency, being more worried about having more firepower than the Romulans than actual exploring, but my guess would be Nero's attack convinced him to go all in on the upgrades and Dreadnought class design," Chris explained. "There's still a lot we don't know yet." 

"Yeah. You being nice to the nurses?" Jenna inquired sweetly. "I know how cranky you are when you're cooped up having therapy." 

One of Chris's middle fingers twitched, but he kept his grip on the cane.

"Says the woman who acts like a three year old every time she gets a hypo," he returned easily. "Lets see if you're still jawing when they're working YOU over." 

"Oh, you're on, pal," Jenna responded with more energy than usual. "I'll never forget that poor nurse hiding from you after you bawled him out for bringing you the wrong color jello."

Winona giggled and Chris pretended to glare, but it turned rather sheepish instead. 

"And that's the Jenna Kirk we know and sometimes love," he said resignedly. "Not even miraculous resurrection will keep her from disrespecting her elders." 

Jenna's heart did a funny flip when he said the word love, but she ignored it. He'd never love her THAT way. 

"She knows she can get a rise out of you, Chris," Winona advised him. "Works every time." 

Why was that? Chris contemplated later after a very satisfactory visit with the Kirk women. What was it about Jenna that made him act undignified and allow himself to play right into her hands?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

Jenna's improvement was slow, but steady, marred only by the occasional nightmare that disrupted her sleep. She wasn't allowed many visitors at a time, so her senior officers paired up and took turns to come see her. Uhura and Spock came the day after Winona arrived, then Chekov and Sulu, and Scotty and Keenser. Jenna made it a point to apologize to her engineer for the way she'd treated him and asked about the progress of the Enterprise.

"It'll be a long time before she's space worthy again, I'm afraid," he sighed. "But these upgrades will make her even better than ever." 

"That's very exciting, Scotty," she agreed. "Keep me updated. Keenser, don't let him work himself to death on those ample nacelles. I don't want a worn down Chief Engineer when we leave on the five year mission." 

Keenser nodded solemnly and shook her hand. "He won't. I know tricks." 

Jen grinned at him. "I knew I could count on you." 

Chris was released a week after Jenna's awakening and she cheered for him, but was a little sad not to have him close anymore. Well, Starfleet needed him more than she did, and he'd be a lot happier out of the boring room, so pouting was pointless. Nevertheless, she missed him terribly, and had to scramble to come up with excuses when Winona looked at her worriedly. 

It was just her luck that the first visit coincided with her first failed attempt at keeping down solid food. 

She'd just finished puking her guts out and crying miserably over her wrecked digestive system, when he showed up. Great. Just great. The one person in the world she wanted to look decent for and she was a gross mess. 

"You doing okay, Jen?" He asked, looking at her worriedly. She blinked up dully through her wet eyelashes, whole body aching from the strain of emptying her stomach.

"Not yet," she whispered hoarsely. "Tried to eat and it came right back up. I guess my stomach is still too touchy." 

He looked up at Bones, who looked pained himself.

"Thought we'd try something more than broth today. Didn't happen. We'll keep trying, though."

Jen wrinkled her nose. "Don't say that!" She groaned. "I hate throwing up!" 

"I know, Jen, but we've got to get your body used to eating again. You're dangerously underweight right now." 

"So that's why I look like a skeleton," she snarked. "Please distract me with stories of your wild youth, Chris," she pleaded. "Or tell me what craziness the admiralty's up to now." 

"Mostly rooting out Marcus's allies, what's left of them, anyway," he sighed. "Barnett had to stop Komack from turning a questioning into an interrogation. He was really going hard after Carol Marcus, convinced she was in on it."

"Oh, no," Jen breathed, filled with worry for her new friend. "She wasn't involved! I know that for a fact. In fact, she smuggled herself onto the Enterprise to investigate the questionable torpedoes Marcus sent with us. I would have been guilty of manslaughter if she hadn't found the cryotubes. Did you talk to her?"

"Yes. It's plain She's in no condition to be dealing with this on top of all the other trauma she's been through," he replied grimly. "I take it she hasn't been by to see you yet?" 

"Only very briefly." Jen said sadly. "Bones, have you heard from Carol recently?" 

"She's laying low for the time being, but she's coping," answered the doctor. "She doesn't want to go near the hospital because it would draw the media's attention and that's the last thing you need right now." 

"Damn," Jen said. "Figures they'd start hounding her. Send her my well wishes and condolences. Oh, hey, Mom!" 

Winona entered the room, carrying a lovely bouquet of yellow flowers of several varieties. 

"Hi, Honey. How did the goop eating go?"

Jenna made a face. "Not well. Are those for me?" Her face brightened seeing the burst of color coming toward her.

"They sure are!" Winona confirmed. "From your crew. Uhura intercepted me and asked me to bring them in." 

"Oh, they're so gorgeous!" Jen exclaimed, feeling the soft petal of a daffodil. "Just what I needed today. See, Chris, they're even yellow for command gold!"

"Very appropriate," he observed, smiling at her delight. 

There was a small card attached to the bouquet, which Jenna detached with some difficulty and perused carefully, tears springing back into her eyes at the thoughtful message written on it.

"I love them all," she sighed. "I'd do it all again, even if I knew I'd stay dead. The one thing Khan was right about was that I WOULD do anything for my space family." 

"Lets hope it doesn't come to that, sweetheart," Winona said. "You don't have nine lives, after all." 

Chris didn't say anything, but he gave her a look that was a cross between pride and "Don't you even Dare." It was a look she'd received countless times over their acquaintanceship and she almost giggled at seeing it again. Oh, how she loved--She brought those thoughts to a screeching halt. 

"I need a bedtime story, Chris. Please?" She batted her eyelashes. "You know how I appreciate your adventures." 

"I suppose I could find the time for one of it'll help you, Jen," he said agreeably. "Might bore you right to sleep." 

"I doubt that," she laughed.

While The Admiral held the captain spellbound with the tale of the Yorktown's encounter with an invisible race of aliens, Winona drew Leonard outside the room for a moment. 

"Doctor McCoy, is there something going on between those two I should know about?" She asked in a low tone. "Chris has NEVER looked like that when talking to a woman unless he's very taken with her." 

McCoy looked awkward, and sighed. 

"I've been wonderin' the same thing, Commander. She's always happier when he's here and I don't even think she realizes she looks at him like he hung the moon. Chris is harder to read, but you're right, just a minute ago, he let his guard down enough, I could see there was a bit of smitten showing. They're either oblivious, or in denial." 

"I was afraid of that," she sighed. "Not that I have anything against Chris, but how could it be a good idea, with such an age gap?" 

"I wouldn't worry about it just yet," Leonard comforted. "They might never act on it. Goodness knows, they've both got enough on their plates without starting a romance." 

Winona was placated for the time being, but she resolved to watch both of them more closely in the future. Could Jenna really be falling for Chris Pike?


	8. Chapter 8

Chris was facing the dreadful prospect of yet another long hearing listening to the mountains of evidence pulled from the Vengeance and Marcus's seized records. The appalling record of the treatment of the augments was just the tip of the iceberg of the late admiral's misdeeds. Currently, they were in disagreement as to what to do with Khan and his people. 

"For the safety of the Planet, they should all remain in cryostasis until further notice," decreed Nogura. 

"Khan at least should face trial for what he did," put in Komack. "I'm sure his evidence would help root out more Section 31 agents." 

"Likely," agreed Barnett. "But even if we lock him up for life, that doesn't help his people any. They weren't involved in this. Who knows how long those cryotubes will last?" 

"Are you suggesting they be awakened?" gasped Komack in horror. "They're still very dangerous." 

"No, I'm just asking pertinent questions," Richard replied. "We can't make any decisions until we know what Khan knows." 

"I agree," Chris put in. Not enough information yet. I don't see the sense in punishing the whole group for what Khan did, but we have to find out if they can live peaceably." 

"I think you'll find that impossible," James said tensely. "They were bred--or designed--for ruthless savagery. Who knows what would set them off on a rampage again?" 

"They have the capability for that, but is that how they are all the time?" Barnett put in.

"They ruled with an iron fist. What if they decided they wanted to conquer earth again? We can't risk it! I say, either permanent cryostasis or find them their own planet at a safe distance." 

Much as he hated to admit it, Chris thought some of Komack's concerns were valid. Yes, Khan had been driven to desperation by Marcus's cruelty, but could the augments live peaceably among the very "inferior" humans that had caused them so much trouble? He determined to have a talk with the augment himself, after he'd watched the security tapes from the Enterprise. 

It was very enlightening as to Khan’s motivations and reasoning, but what struck him was the barely concealed rage in Kirk’s eyes and voice as she interacted with him. When he called in Spock to ask the Vulcan’s opinion of the augment’s condition, he also casually expressed surprise at Jenna’s fury.

“The Captain was severely emotionally compromised by your supposed death, Admiral,” Spock explained. “Both Admiral Marcus and Khan used that fact to their advantage.”

“I never imagined she’d get that riled up over me, but I’ll take your word for it.” He remarked.

Spock shot him a look that was the Vulcan equivalent of “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“Admiral, she physically assaulted Khan on Kronos, beating him repeatedly until she realized it had almost no affect on him. There is no doubt she holds you in very high regard.”

He sighed. Yet another regulation broken by Marcus. Jenna should never have been in that chair under those conditions. He wondered how things would have played out if he hadn’t been hurt. Would Marcus have threatened him that way? Or would he have found another way to sideline Chris? He felt sick at the thought, but Those weren’t the important questions right now. He needed to know more about Khan. 

“Spock, I need your honest opinion about Khan. Is it safe to unfreeze the augments and try to get them acclimated to living with inferior beings again Or would that be asking for trouble?” 

“With Khan’s anger at Starfleet still simmering, it would not be advisable to awake his people, lest they be stirred to anger by his imprisonment. Yet, condemning them to permanent cryosleep is unjust. However, If Khan is not willing to be separated from them during his long prison term, it may be the best course of action.” 

“Which means we’ll have to talk to Khan,” Chris sighed, not looking forward to that experience. 

Nevertheless, he soon found himself navigating the tunnels of the Max security prison where the augment was being held. 

Khan was a smug SOB, that much was certain just looking at him. Anger welled up in Chris thinking about how he’d beaten the crap out of Jenna and threatened to murder her in front of the entire crew. Yeah, he wanted him in the deep freeze or off the planet for good. 

“Mr. Singh,” he began calmly, when the guards had activated the communications system to the cell. “I have some questions for you.” 

“And why should I answer?” The man said coolly, keen eyes assessing Chris, who didn’t back down from their stare. 

“Because we have to prevent this gross mistreatment and resulting rampage from ever happening again,” Chris replied firmly. “Your crew are safe. Spock removed them from the torpedoes before he beamed them over to the Vengeance.”

Khan’s fists clenched And he sucked in a breath, standing up even straighter, if that was possible. 

“Are you speaking the truth?” He inquired urgently. 

“I am,” Chris confirmed. “The question is, we need to know how to proceed. They won’t be imprisoned for your actions, but we don’t know how long the cryotubes will sustain them. They’re bound to wear out. Also, you’ve got a trial coming up and cooperation might shave a decade or so off your sentence.” 

Khan looked understandably skeptical, but nodded somberly and contemplated his options. 

“I no longer care about my own fate, but they must be spared somehow. The cryotubes may only last a few years at most; several already have failed. Does Starfleet have the understanding of how they function?” 

“Yes, but to build new they would need your cooperation, because a lot of that tech isn’t used at all.

“Naturally. Well, you shall have it. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to keep them safe—as long as Section 31 is in no way involved.”

Chris shuddered and promised they wouldn’t be. The visit ended up being more productive than he’d hoped and he left the prison prepared to take his info back to Headquarters. However, his comm rang just as he left the building and the message had him heading for the hospital as fast as he could.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

“What happened?” Chris urgently asked of Phil Boyce who was watching Winona and McCoy trying to soothe a distraught Jenna. She was curled into a ball on the bed, shaking and trembling. 

“Nightmare.” Phil said grimly. “Whatever it was sent her into a full blown panic attack. She’s been trying to say your name, so we sent for you. She won’t let anyone get near enough for a sedative, so you’re our best hope to calm her down. 

Chris nodded and made his way toward the patient. Winona looked up and nodded at him, pain in her eyes. 

“She dreamed you died,” Winona whispered. “You need to convince her otherwise because she’s inconsolable right now.” 

“Jen.” He spoke her name as clearly as possible. The trembling slowed a bit. “Jenna Kirk, this is Chris. I’m really here, hon. Please try to calm down, won’t you, Captain?”

The ball of Kirk loosened and Jenna cracked one eye open, peering around. He came closer and stood right in front of her. 

“Chris....” she croaked, stretching out a thin arm. “I’m so glad to see you. It was awful.” 

“So I heard. But it was not true. I’m very much alive and kicking, like the ornery old mule I am.” 

He clasped her hand in his and moved her fingers to his pulse point so she could feel for herself. 

Jenna took a shaky breath and finally seemed satisfied, but she didn’t let go of his hand. 

“Please don’t ever leave me.” She whispered, a look in those blue eyes that about did him in. “I need you.” 

He swallowed hard, willing himself not to read too much into that statement. If she meant it, he was going to have a hard time keeping up the whole denial of his actual feelings. It certainly didn’t sound at all like “I need you as a father figure”, but that could just be his imagination. 

“M’sorry I’m always such a wreck when you show up,” she murmured, after a few quiet moments. “It’s getting annoying. I’m supposed to be a strong Captain, not melting down left and right. S’bad for morale.” 

“Jenna Kirk, it takes an incredibly strong person to do what you did,” he told her firmly. “I have had more than my own share of breakdowns, believe me. It goes with the territory. Now, will you let the doctor give you something to help you feel better?” 

“Okay, But I’m not letting go of you. Part of me is still afraid you’ll vanish into thin air.” 

He nodded at Phil, who cautiously approached with a hypo. 

“Good, good, Jenna. That’s much better,” he soothed, quickly checking her vitals. “I’m going to give you a hypo to help you rest. You won’t get nightmares with this, I promise.”

“Okay,” Jenna said hesitantly and turned her head to give access to her neck. With a quick hiss, it was done and Boyce was praising her.

“Why do you never take it so well for me?” McCoy grumbled playfully, crossing his arms and looking decidedly jealous. 

“Because, he doesn’t try to stab me like you do, Bones,” Jenna said sleepily. “You really have a few things to learn about bedside manner.” 

Everyone but McCoy laughed. Jenna’s toying with the Doctor by avoiding checkups and getting the man very annoyed with her was well known to them. 

“And that’s the Thanks I get for saving your life? Ungrateful Infant!” McCoy snorted, trying to hide his own amusement. 

“Oh, I’m very grateful. I just don’t want you to get a swollen head,” she responded. 

“Swollen Head! Like you’re one to talk, Miss Captain Ego!” 

Chris watched them banter back and forth, throwing out snide remarks and loving insults. The two of them made quite a duo, and were fiercely loyal to each other. People thought they did it because of sexual tension, but he was pretty sure it was more the deep friendship between them. Well, he selfishly hoped it was friendship, he thought guiltily.

He stayed at Jenna’s bedside until she dropped off to sleep, hoping she’d finally get some uninterrupted sleep. 

“How’s she doing overall?” He asked Phil quietly.

“Slower than we’d like,” his friend admitted. “Especially since you’ve been absent lately. I think she responds well to your visits.” 

“I wish I could make them more frequent,” Chris replied, apologetically. “We’re swamped at HQ right now dealing with this mess.”

He looked over at Jenna’s sleeping form and again felt that yearning tug to gather her up and hold her close, barring all the nightmares from disturbing her. 

Winona saw the expression on his face before he could compose himself. Pulling the sheets up over Jenna’s shoulders, she approached him with a knowing look.

“It’s a hard thing, loving a Kirk. They do the most ridiculous self-sacrificing things and end up hurt a lot. It’s worth it.”

“That’s quite an assumption to make,” he said evenly. “Of course I’m concerned for Jenna. Lots of people are.” 

Perhaps he should have actually looked at her when he said that. As it was, Winona was unconvinced. 

“Not the way I just saw you look at her. Not even Leonard looks at her like that. Don’t try to fool me Chris. I know you too well.” 

“It wouldn’t be a good idea, and I could never burden her with this,” he said firmly. “She’s way out of my league. The chances of her having feelings for someone like me are slim to none.” 

“You used that excuse to avoid your feelings for One and totally missed out. Don’t think I don’t have you pegged by now, Christopher.” 

Winona poked him in the chest for emphasis. 

“Why do you think Jenna was so horror stricken at the thought of your death? Why do you think she calmed down with you around? Why do you think she wouldn’t let go of your hand? Just think about it, Chris.” 

His mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. Finally, he shook his head and headed toward the door. 

“Let me know if this happens again. I’ll try to stop by tomorrow evening. Thanks, Leonard, Phil.” 

The two doctors nodded and watched him go, looking at each other ruefully. 

“I get the sense he’s got issues in the whole “Love” department,” McCoy observed. 

“That’s putting it mildly,” Phil and Winona said together. “He May be one of the legends of the Fleet, but he somehow thinks he doesn’t deserve love,” Winona added. 

McCoy winced. He understood that all too well, having been through a divorce that destroyed his self-worth and left him very cynical in the matter of romance.

“If anyone can change his mind, I’d say it’s definitely Jenna T. Kirk.” He proclaimed. “If she decides to go for him, well, it’s pretty much a done deal. We know how she feels about no-win scenarios.” 

“More power to her, then,” Phil agreed. “Someone has to knock some sense into that man’s head sooner or later.”


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jenna’s recovery began to progress in larger increments when she started keeping food down. It was so good to be able to eat again, she would have devoured everything in sight if Bones would let her. 

“Whoa there, Jen,” he’d remind her. “Not too much just yet. I know you’re hungry as a horse, but your system can’t quite take it in that fast. I’m pleased you’ve come this far, though.” 

“Only thanks to you and Doctor Boyce,” she said with a wan smile. “I feel like I’ll never be right again.”

“You will, Jen,” he assured her. “It’s going to take some time. Pretty soon we’ll be starting therapy to help you get back on your feet. That sound good?”

“I don’t know. Chris always complained his therapists were sadists,” Jamie said with some trepidation. 

Bones snorted with laughter. “No pain, no gain, my dear Captain. Just look at how well he regained mobility.” 

“True,” Jamie said. “I wonder how the trial and investigation is going.”

Chris had been even busier than ever with Overseeing the new cryotube development with Khan and now dealing with a lot of hearings and Khan’s trial. Despite this, he took time to see her every day, even if it was only for ten minutes. There had only been one other panic attack, thankfully, and it wasn’t nearly as awful as the first one. Jenna still dealt with nightmares disrupting her sleep, though, and had been talking to a therapist about them. She guessed time was the key in that case. 

Winona was busy too, but remained a steady presence for which Jenna was extremely grateful. They’d had time to do a lot of catching up and reconnecting and old tensions went by the wayside in the wake of what had transpired. Jenna asked for Yorktown news and gossip and was treated to many stories of engineering mishaps and pranks aboard the Yorktown, as well as many juicy Chris stories. He’d been quite the character in his youth and she relished knowing he’d done his fair share of stupid stunts. 

“I’m totally going to ask him about that one,” she declared, when her mother had finished a story, passed down from Caitlin Barry, wherein Chris had nearly ended up in some alien empress’s harem due to his tempting good looks. 

“Oh, you do that,” Winona agreed with a wicked grin. “I’d love to see how he tries to downplay THAT episode.” 

Chris, upon being confronted with her knowledge of said incident on his next visit, groaned and glowered at Winona. 

“Did you have to tell her THAT story?” He sighed, sitting down in the chair beside Jenna’s bed. 

“I figured a little levity was needed around here,” Winona told him, arms crossed across her chest as she grinned at his discomfort. “C’mon Chris, don’t tell me you’ve become one of those big shot admirals who can’t laugh at themselves.”

“I’d rather Jenna still have proper respect for me,” he claimed. “She barely has any as it is.” 

“You know all my embarrassing stories. It was Time to even the playing field, Chris,” Jenna stated, with an over the top smirk. “How in the world did you manage to get into that jam?” 

He smiled ruefully.

“I apparently accidentally indicated sexual interest and she was......quite pleased at that.” 

He winced, and Jenna saw the tips of his ears getting red, which was a tell tale sign Chris was really embarrassed. 

“So, How long did you have to wait before the misunderstanding was cleared up and they let you go?” 

“Three very, very, long days,” Chris said, with a slight shudder. “Long days of being cooped up in a house with all her.......lovers......getting stared at and ogled.”

Jenna was secretly empathizing with the empress. She couldn’t blame her for wanting Chris. Even decades later, he was still quite fine. She got lost in thought for several minutes and didn’t snap back to reality until she heard him say “Jen??” Repeatedly. 

Realizing he’d caught her staring at him with what must have been a very dopey smile, she hastened to explain it away. “Sorry. I tend to zone out sometimes. Must be the drugs.” 

He looked a little uneasy, though. 

“We’ll get out of your hair and let you rest, then,” he said, squeezing her hand. “Get better, Jen.” 

She smiled sleepily. “I’m doing my best, Chris. I’ll be back up and driving you crazy anytime now.” 

“I’ll look forward to it.” With these words, He left the room, feeling suddenly both elated and troubled. Leaning against the wall, he ran his hand through his hair and wondered just what sort of a creep he was to have such feelings for a bright young woman like Jen. 

“You know, if I don’t know any better, I’d say your daughter was having some inappropriate thoughts about me,” he said to Winona half teasingly.

“Don’t try to tell me you haven’t had similar thoughts about her, Chris,” the Commander retorted. “Or that those thoughts stem from the fact that you’re in love with her.” 

He couldn’t hold Winona’s challenging stare for long. He wanted to protest, tell her she was all wrong, that he would never......But his mother had raised an honest man and he couldn’t lie to Winona. 

“Okay. So what if I did.....have feelings for her?” he questioned cautiously. “I have no idea what to do, or if I should do anything about it. She’s young and has a bright future; I’m past my prime. Plus, After everything that’s happened, the last thing she needs is this dumped on her. Surely you can’t disagree with that reasoning.”

“No, I can’t, but she obviously adores you. I fear you’ll keep using those same excuses over and over again and never getting around to actually telling her. You’ve done that before.” 

Winona’s pointed words hit home. He’d loved Number One for years, but had never found the courage to tell her, a fact he rued very much the day she got engaged to somebody else. 

“You’d be okay with it?” He asked skeptically. 

“I want her to be happy and she very clearly is with you. Chris, open your eyes next time and really look. You’ve been so busy telling yourself she can’t possibly love you, that you’ve ignored or missed the signs. If you still doubt, watch the security footage of her when she thought you’d died. She was a woman possessed. Jenna Kirk doesn’t snap like that for just anyone. Well, maybe McCoy, but still.....”

Chris had seen a few clips, but mostly the footage with Khan. He’d been too busy to really dig deeply into the archives and mostly relying on Spock’s reports. It was about time he bit the bullet and took a look. 

“I still say she could do a whole lot better than me,” he finally said. “But I promise I’ll take your advice.”

“Thank you, and Chris, thank you for taking the time to come. It means a lot.”

Winona looked at him with deep gratitude in her eyes and he cleared the sudden lump from his throat. 

“No problem. Anything to keep her spirits up. I know how monotonous Long hospital stays can get. Take care.” 

Chris left the hospital in a contemplative mood. He knew he had issues, but Winona’s Words about making himself unable to recognize love when it was being shown to him seemed painfully accurate the more he thought about them. It was time to take the blinders off and really look.


	11. Chapter 11

As the end of Khan’s trial neared, Jenna didn’t see Chris much at all, but she was now kept much too busy with rehab and and getting back on her feet. As Chris had warned her, it was hard, painful, frustrating and left her in tears multiple times, but she could feel her strength returning and knew it was worth it. Bones and Phil were very encouraging and didn’t let her consider giving up, for which she was very thankful the day she was able to walk across the room unassisted. 

Winona had tears in her eyes as her daughter walked toward her, determined if a bit unsteady. 

“I feel like a toddler again,” Jenna panted, making an annoyed face at her own slow pace. “I can’t wait to be able to really get around.”

“You’re getting there,” Phil said, looking pleased at her efforts. “Soon you’ll be racing around like a dervish and driving us all wild: Command types usually do.”

“I take it you speak from your vast experience with a certain stubborn Admiral?” She returned, with an interested gleam in her eyes. 

“Him and many others. You should really ask him about the incident on the swamp planetoid of MT107. He was laid up for weeks. Bellyached the whole time.”

“Oh, I certainly will,” Jenna agreed readily. “Speaking Of Chris, do either of you know why he’s acting so weird around me lately? One minute, he’s all concern and super attentive, the next, he suddenly acts all stiff and distant and reacts like I’ve burned him by being in the vicinity. It’s really strange.” 

“It might be the stress of the investigation and trial,” Winona suggested. “He might be just worn out from that.” 

“If That was the case this would have started weeks ago. It’s only been ten days of his erratic behavior,” Jenna pointed out. “What say you, Doc? You know him better than any of us.” 

“It’s not my place to tell,” Boyce sighed. “Chris is working through some things he’s got to deal with in his own time. I’ve tried to get him to see reason, but he’s not ready yet. None of it is your fault, though, Jen, and he certainly isn’t mad at you. Occasionally irritated yes, mad, never.” 

“That’s only when I break the Prime Directive and try to lie about it,” Jen said ruefully, never forgetting how upset he’d been when he’d called her out on it. Seeing as how she wasn’t getting any more information out of Phil, she reluctantly let the conversation turn back to her continued therapy schedule, hoping that she’d get to welcome Chris from her feet the next time he Came.

What even Phil didn’t know was that Chris’s off behavior had been precipitated by his viewing of the security tapes from the Enterprise, including Jenna’s thought to be last conversation with Spock as she was dying. It had upset him more than he thought possible, the feeble smile she gave the Vulcan when he admitted they were friends ruined his composure and he sat staring blankly at the console for a long time afterward. 

“I’m such an idiot,” he muttered to himself, the day he finally allowed himself to admit why she affected him so much. “Dammit, Phil was right. I’m in love with that crazy woman. Now what do I do?” 

Unfortunately, this caused him to be more self conscious when he was around Jenna and led to the confusing body language as he was torn between wanting to be as close as possible and avoiding coming on too strong or looking like a creepy old man. Perhaps a little communication could have cleared this up, but Chris was still trapped by his fear of confessing his love. He buried himself deep in work to put it off as long as possible, hoping if he ignored the whole thing, it would just go away.

As often happens, this method of coping failed miserably and Phil threatened to declare him unfit for duty if he didn’t take a break. 

“Chris, please just talk to her,” The exasperated surgeon general exhorted, the same afternoon he’d had to dodge Jen’s questions “She’s starting to notice you’re acting strange and is drawing the wrong conclusions. There’s only so long I can cover for you until she confronts you herself.”

“I know,” the admiral groaned. “There’s nothing else to do. What if she’s grossed out, though? I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore.” 

“Trust me,” Phil said kindly and meaningfully, “there’s no chance of her being repulsed. Now, get going. She’s expecting you.” 

Now admirals don’t usually skulk, but Chris practically tiptoed to Jen’s room like a misbehaving schoolboy fearful of being caught. This was it. McCoy gave him a funny look as they passed, probably wondering what in the world was going on. If the man only knew, Chris thought. Well, he probably did. 

Jen was sitting up reading when he Came in. The usual smile lit up her face when he Came in And she beckoned him in to his usual seat. 

“Well, hey there. I thought you were busy doing important Admiral stuff. You never come at this time of day.”

“My meddling Doctor friend decided I was overdoing it and made me remove myself from the active investigation,” Chris admitted in a disgruntled tone. 

“Good for him,” Jen said unsympathetically. “I was really starting to worry about you. You looked way too stressed.” 

Chris shot her a betrayed look. “You too? I thought you of all people would understand my plight.”

“I do, but I also want you healthy, Chris,” she told him gently. “I’ve missed you. The few times you’ve been here, you’ve had your mind on other things and it was obvious. I think they’ll be able to get by without you now that the biggest part is over.” 

“Maybe,” He said somewhat doubtfully, knowing Komack and Nogura too well to completely believe that. “Oh well. What’s done is done. I have been negligent of my favorite captain lately. I’ve come to put an end to that and explain my recent behavior.” 

Jen perked up. “I knew there was something going on! C’mon, spill it. I promise to not judge you.”

He smiled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck as he faced the moment of truth. 

“Well, i May have watched some of the security tape from the Enterprise which was more than a little enlightening and very disturbing at the same time.” 

Jen grimaced. “Yeah. I’m not really proud of my actions there: forcing Scotty to resign and then almost committing murder myself. Thank goodness for Spock talking me out of it.” 

“That wasn’t what threw me, though, Jen,” he admitted. “I........saw the tape from engineering.” 

“Oh,” she said quietly, twisting the sheets in her hands. “So you saw my ugly demise?” 

“More like selfless sacrifice,” he reminded her. “Couldn’t be more proud of you, even though it just about destroyed me to watch. I’m glad Spock was there for you.”

“So am I,” she admitted. “Despite our earlier disagreements, he really is the perfect first officer and.....friend. But that’s not what you’re getting at, is it?” 

“No,” he said, plowing ahead determinedly, looking her straight in the eye. “Jen, I’ve been in denial for a long time and knowing what happened forced me to face the facts: I can’t stand the thought of ever losing you for good. You’ve unknowingly run off with my heart, Jen and I finally realized it. That’s what’s thrown me for a loop.”

Jen’s bright blue eyes had grown round and misty as he spoke and her reaction was far from what he’d expected, but yet fit with what Winona and Phil had been trying to tell him. She reached over and took hold of his hand, smooth on top of rough, and said softly, “I’ll be sure to take good care of your heart, Chris. Will you take care of mine? It’s been yours for awhile now.” 

“You mean?....” he started, looking at her intensely. 

“Yep,” she finished, smiling brightly. “Did you see what I tried to do to Khan, when I thought he’d murdered you?” 

“Uhura told me,” he said. “But there are other reasons you could have been compromised, so I didn’t take particular note of it. The last thing I’d want to do is assume something like that. You might have been repulsed by the idea.”

“Repulsed? By you?” Jen exclaimed. “Are you aware of how many cadets longed to be in your classes? Or shamelessly ogled you? Or how we used to inwardly swoon over you? I still do, by the way.” 

She added a wink and a smirk and Chris turned red. 

“It’s the uniform,” he muttered, remembering the flocks of giggling cadets that used to annoy him so much. 

“Maybe for them. Not for me,” Jen declared. “I think you’re awesome no matter what you wear. So, we’re clear on the whole “I love you, you love me” thing? If not, I’ll gladly do more convincing.” 

He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “If I’m thinking what you’re thinking, I’m definitely not averse to some more....persuasion.” 

Jenna giggled happily at the change in his voice and leaned forward to meet his kiss. Bones would be insufferable about this tomorrow, but who cared?


	12. Chapter 12

Jenna left the hospital for good within days of that memorable conversation and was escorted to a waiting vehicle by a large entourage of happy friends and family. There were cheers and good wishes for the Captain, who waved and blew kisses back, not once looking back toward the building she’d grown completely sick of. Bones and Winona were beside her, carrying the gifts she’d collected during her stay and the meds she’d need to keep taking to help her immune system. Reaching the car, the passenger door was pulled open for her revealing Chris in the driver’s seat, wearing casual clothes and a very cool pair of sunglasses. 

“Dang,” She said admiringly. “They sent me the hot chauffeur.” Even his hair refused to be regulation and was getting wavy the way it did when he grew it out a bit. 

“I aim to please, Beautiful,” he replied. “We’re going to celebrate your grand emancipation in style.” 

“I like the sound of that,” she said. “See you guys later!” She waved to Leonard and Winona, Spock and Uhura, Scotty, and Chekov, who were all there to see her off. 

“Remember what I said about physical exertion!” Bones warned, a little too loudly. 

“My goodness, Bones!” Jenna said innocently. “What Kind Of Woman do you think I am? We’re not rushing off to get it on. We’ve only had one date!” 

Chris laughed until he was red in the face. 

“With the way you’re lookin’ at him, there’s no guarantee,” her ridiculous friend quipped, a teasing gleam in his eye. 

“You’re just jealous,” she proclaimed. “Go Out and get your own admiral—or Lieutenant, that is.” 

She was hoping he’d start seeing Carol one of these days. The two of them would be great for each other, but Bones was nervous about it, wanting to give Carol plenty of space while she dealt with what had happened between her and her father. 

“What if I already did?” He shot back, closing her door and leaving her staring open mouthed through the window as Chris drove away. 

“I swear, if he’s been keeping secrets from me, he’s getting busted down to regular friend,” she said indignantly. 

“I think he was too busy meddling in our affairs to mention his own.” Chris theorized. “Between him, Phil, and Winona, they were on to me until I finally came to grips with it. My track record in the love department is not exactly stellar, unfortunately, mostly due to my own hang ups.” 

“I think you’re far better at it then you think, Chris,” Jen said softly, her eyes looking at him with a worshipful regard. “I’ve seen the way you treat people you care about. I put you through a lot, and you could have washed your hands of me, but you didn’t. I think I fell in love with just the right guy.” 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and shot a look back at her. She was alive, happy, and healthier than she’d been in a long time, and she loved HIM. Would miracles never cease?

Winona and Phil stood side by side watching the car disappear. Phil was looking proud, if a bit wistful and Winona was already mentally imagining the wedding. She certainly hoped Chris wouldn’t influence Jenna to elope. Goodness knows, she wasn’t going to miss it. 

“Phil, you’ve done well: I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for my daughter.” Her voice threatened to crack and she cleared her throat quickly. 

“Wasn’t me,” the Doctor deflected. “Len was the one who saved her life in the first place.”

“Oh, but you certainly kept her there and refused to let Chris be an idiot and break her heart with his insistence he wasn’t good enough for her. It’s about time he finally let someone love him.”

“I’m with you on that sentiment,” Phil agreed. “One and Cait will want to hear all the details. I trust you’ll have a full report ready, Commander?” 

Winona’s eyes gleamed with mirth. 

“Oh, you know I will, Admiral Surgeon General. Most thorough. When I think of how many times they stared longingly at each other and tried to act like it was nothing, Well, it will certainly make for quite a tale.”

Phil chuckled, little dreaming that the Commander was now planning the next campaign: getting him and Cait to finally figure things out. Chris wasn’t the only Admiral who needed a shove in the right direction. 

Meanwhile, Chris and Jenna were watching the sun set across the bay and enjoying each other’s company immensely. Jenna was so thankful to be with him and finally done being poked and prodded and treated like the medical marvel she was and Chris was relishing the delight of having her in his arms. He was more relaxed than he’d been in months now that The Khan mess was wrapped up and the augments securely resting in new cryotubes that would hold them until Khan’s prison time was up and a new colony was prepared. 

If he brushed his lips over Jenna’s pulse point a few times, well, she certainly didn’t seem to mind and he found it very reassuring. 

“Remember that night in the bar when you sat down between me and the guy I was about to flirt with?” She suddenly asked. 

“All too clearly.” Chris made a face. 

“Now that I think about it, that look you shot him was a trifle on the frigid side, wasn’t it? You do have a knack for turning up at the perfect moments just when I’m about to make a stupid decision. It’s uncanny.” 

“I’ve developed built in Kirk radar from knowing you so well,” Chris agreed. “Yes, I was unduly irritated by the way he was smiling at you. Seemed a bit smarmy to me.”

“Hmm, I like your smile a lot better,” she said, tracing the lines along his face fondly. “Do it a lot, please.” 

He obliged her briefly before he leaned in to kiss those pretty lips. “Gladly, Sweetheart,” he whispered. Jenna made a pleased noise and pulled him even closer.


End file.
